You’ve made it to this website, so maybe you’re teaching in Korea already; maybe you’re in your parents’ basement trying desperately to find a way out of your minimum wage job as a competitive eating competition attendant.  Either way, your mind has been opened to the world and you could as easily hop a plane to Saudi Arabia as South Korea for your next job.  Well here’s some advice from someone who has literally been around the world teaching and can give you information on a representative sample of teaching jobs and locations.

PART 1: SOUTH AMERICA vs. KOREA

Well, we know Argentina beat Korea pretty bad in the world cup, but who’s got the edge in the classroom?

I lived in Argentina for one summer.  I did not teach there, but I lived with a friend that summer (with a TEFL certificate) who was working as an English teacher in Buenos Aires.

PAY:  Korea has the edge by a long shot.  My friend was living with my host family with a discounted rent and two free meals a day and still was just breaking even.  The devalued peso, struggling economy, and lack of interest in English are most likely to blame.

HOURS:  Korea has the edge again.  It’s tough to find a job at a single location in that country.  Most people have to commute from job to job and pay travel expenses.  Long hours, low pay, and stuck in a suit all day.

ACCOMODATION: Find-your-ownie.

SOCIAL LIFE:  ARGENTINA GOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL.  In Argentina, dinner’s at 11 and drinks start at 1.  You’re lucky if you have time to go home and take a shower before work in the morning.  In addition, Argentinian people are hot.  It’s like stepping into a Vogue magazine, if Vogue models only liked average-looking foreigners.  Young people love salsa dancing and tango so get ready for a club experience unlike any other.

FOOD:  Would you like beef with your beef?  Vegetarians will die a slow, painful death.  But the pampered, unsteroided, grass-eating cows could convince the staunchest animal rights activist into digging in.

PART 2: SOUTHEAST ASIA vs. KOREA

Does Southeast Asia even play football?  Not that I’m aware of.

I was a teacher in Thailand for one semester at a public school in a middle-of-nowhere town.  Look it up: Chaiyaphum.

PAY:  Obviously, Korea’s ahead.  But what most people don’t know is that you will make a lot of money by Thai standards.  You are paid $1000 a month and will spend around $300, including your $60 rent and utility fee.  This frees you up to travel all over Thailand and spend money on whatever you want.  In rural areas like mine, you can’t even find something worth more than $5.  I’d tutor for $6 an hour and it would cover my week’s food.

HOURS:  Public school hours are way better than those in Korea.  You have to be there for your classes, but other than that, you are free to wander around town.  The only snag is you have to come back at the end of the day to leave with the other teachers.

ACCOMODATION: Provided or find-your-ownie.  Korea has the edge here.  After filling buckets with water to flush the toilet or going on a cockroach killing spree once a week (they liked to lie on their backs and sun themselves in my outdoor bathroom), any Western individual is ready to hop a plane to sanitization.

SOCIAL LIFE:  Thai society is as 99% Thai as Korea, with better reason to hate foreigners.  You’ll hate ‘em too after seeing that giant white old guy with his beautiful 20-year-old wife.  But Thai people love foreigners!  I couldn’t walk to work in the morning without getting invited to have whiskey with strangers (yes, I said morning).  Everyone is friendly and wonderfully kind.

That said, the reason you save so much money is there is NOTHING TO DO in your small town.  Unless you love killing insects or running from dog packs.

You’d like to think saving all that money makes you able to hop over to Chiang Mai and jungle trek with your new Thai best friend.  Well, after living in the middle of nowhere fighting soi dogs for two months, you’re more likely to find yourself in a mall enjoying air conditioning and pizza.

FOOD:  Everyone loves Thai food, right?  Well, here’s a surprise: most of Thailand does not eat the delicious food they export.  Enjoy your mixed spicy meat on rice (ka pao).  Or maybe, you’d like mixed spicy meat (laab)?  Ooh, how about spicy meat mixed with rice (kao pot)?

PART 3: EUROPE vs. KOREA

Ah, romantic Europe.  Kicks butt at football, but loses in the teaching cup.  Why?

The most likely reason is the European passport.  Europeans look out for themselves.  That’s why in the last five years they’ve done away with the student discounts on museums and gone for European passport discounts.  Jerks!  Like people who get paid in Euros need a discount on anything.

So, if you’re from the U.K. or your mom made you an Italian citizen or whatever this portion of the article does not apply to you.

PAY:  Well, if you don’t have a European passport you’re not going to work in Western Europe.  And that means your pay is going to be darn low.  Try, “I have $1 to spend on food today” low.  And this is going to make you a bit more money conscious and insane than you imagine you’re going to be when you first fancy moving to Europe.

This is you before you leave: “OMG!  I’m moving to Europe!  Cappuccinos every day in romantic places!  I’m going to buy a beret!  I’m going to travel every weekend!”

This is you after you find out how much money you’re really making: “Wow.  Look at all those people having a nice meal in that café.  I’m going to go buy a hunk of cheese from the store and gnaw it in this alley.”

Here’s a tip: taxes are super, super high.  Even if you’re not under contract and are technically employed illegally, somehow your taxes will be paid.  Find out your pay after taxes before you accept any job.

HOURS:  Terrible.  Probably going to go hagwon and end up commuting across town on expensive public transport.

ACCOMODATION:  Find-your-ownie.  Get a discount or suffer!

SOCIAL LIFE:  Not as good as you might imagine.  People in Eastern Europe (especially if you’re white) are going to assume you’re from there and not make an effort to be nice to you.  Since you don’t speak the language, they are going to decide that you are still from there and retarded.

That plus not having any money to buy anything really seals you up in your apartment for the entirety of your stay.

FOOD:  If you’ve come from an Asian country, prepare to be amazed.  Cheap meat, cheap salami, awesome bread!  Sure, you’ve only got one dollar for food, but that’s enough to eat processed food to your hearts content.

There we go.  We’ve covered a large portion of the places you’re interested in going.  As per the Middle East and Africa, maybe I'll head that way later...

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